Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Tomorrow's the first paper and I don't think I'm prepared. What's more is that I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to do the papers alone.
God, I need your guidance and wisdom for the papers...
Mr. Larry Lee made a parody of Psalms 23... it is admitably funny but the essence of it was lost.
"The Lord is my Shephard and I shall not be in want..."
It says a lot about religion a faith. I've been too critical over many matters. Way too critical that I've lost the ability to enjoy life for what it is. No doubt the A'levels are impt but I disagree with Cheng that it's what life is about now... It's so much more than that and to reduce life to but this event is demeaning and insulting it. GP trains you to critic but hey, we have to step back and see the big picture at times eh? I've been slamming questions very excessively these few days... yea, got back that critical self but it is at the expense of the ability to appriciate. Balance... well, that's what is required... but there's really too little time to cultivate the habit of balance...
One more day...
It all boils down to tmr. With God, I know I can do it... With Him, I can do it! I've studied and practiced... essay and esp. compre is now in His Hands. I shaln't think about the results but more or just doing my best and see what He makes out of it.
Religion and faith... haha... it falters under logical questionings and philosophical arguments but who ever said that this world is about logic? What's true is true... is there a need to further question it? It begs the question? Hahax... Faith is believing.. but as a JC student, I believe I dont blindly believe. I believe and I know that He is there watching over me...
It's all for you now God. It's all Yours. Here I go... for You!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Alright! I think I've gotten back my study momentum le! Hahax. Now it's time to get the show on the road! Let's hope it's not too late ba...
Anyway, celebrated Jiexin's birthday on the 17th of Oct. Was quite ok though I think I kinda burnt a hole in my pocket. Hahax. Ah well.. never mind... at least she was happy. =)
Mmmmx... I've been wondering how life would be like after the A'levels. Hahax. I know I wonder very long but I'm still wondering... But I guess all I care about now is doing well for the A'levels so I can have a peace of mind and enjoy working/slacking after the examinations.
Well! Final lap! Let's go!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
One more week. Just one more week before school closes. There's no doubt that I'm kinda happy that it's finally coming to an end yet, part of me doesn't want to leave everything behind. So much has happened in AJ... just so much... it's almost painful to leave it all behind. I don't know if I'd see my friends again. I'll definately miss every single on of them. Haix. 1.5 years just has to come to a closure like that. Saddening.
I dunno. Life goes on but what will become of these memories? StAJeWorks.. A39/05... they're just part of the whole AJ experience. People like Xavier, Shannon, Sabrina and even Yvonne... Hahax.. we had our fair share of laughter together in and outside college... and also the arguments, the tears and the pains. But now it all has to end. I don't really wish to go. I don't know if we'd meet again. I hope so... but will things be odd then? Will still be 'buddies' like 'old times'. Hmmmx.. I dunno. I sincerely hope so.
I've chosen only to remember the happy moments that I've gone through in the college. Maybe that's why I don't wanna leave. Or maybe it's because I don't know what the future holds for me. I'm scared I guess. What if I don't make it for the A'levels? What will happen then? And if I do make it, will I get that scholarship? LaSalle? PSC? I dunno. What really does the future hold? And if our paths ever do cross again, how will we face each other?
Out in the corporate world, who are they? Friends or rivals. I dunno. I really don't want to take on any of them in the working world. I guess I'd be to emotional and unprofessional. I guess competing against sabby shouldn't be a problem though - she'd probably win and I'll lose happily. Hahax. *bows down* ah well.. but shannon, xav and in particular, yvonne? Hahax. I really don't know how I'd face them. These four people are the more significant ones that shaped my life in AJ. It's impossible to leave it all behind. Impossible. And I won't even try.
Life goes on. Memories will fade... but feelings remain.
Even as we leave this comfort zone together, let's leave it tgt as friends? Sounds childish but hey, each and every single person whom I've came into contact with in the college means something. Each of you taught me something.
Ok.. I'm getting emotional again. I should be studying...
That's all folks - another chapter is written.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Another episode of this little life of mine is coming to a closure. One and a half years have gone by just like that. I'm gonna miss the fun times I had with StAJeWorks and the whole of AJC. Haix. But well, it's time to move on. Soon we'll be going through the Farewell Assembly... then the crazy last minute studying period... then the A'levels? Haix.. The slippery slope of the Singapore Education System. Such a wonderful organisation the MOE is - they decide our future for us - with a few sheets of examination papers. That's just the way it is.
Just another month. Just one more month. Just one more month and there I'd be.. the battle between the examination and me. Again. The final acadamic battle before army. Haix. It's tough.
Persevere... go full steam for one month... there's still time? Hmmmx... I really hope so. Those little voices of encouragement just ring and resound within this empty mind of mine. False hope? Let's hope not. I'm trying my best to block out the negative thoughts of failure but a little self-reflection now and then does bring forth the harsh reality of truth. No point deluding myself eh? I might fail. I might make it. I might... no one knows for sure. It's kinda like a gamble - show hand. Hahax. It's a game ain't it. The Singapore game - let's see who breaks first! Only the strongest survives. What do you call this again? Eugenics? Something along those lines ba. Welcome your 21st century "Hitler" nation! Singapore, where I belong - home. Ha! Thriving economy with high standards of livings... clean and green... educated and 'friendly' population... Asia's pride and joy! Yup! That's Singapore. My country and my home. Hahax. We love it don't we!
Three cheers!
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Arriving at conclusions without taking the effort to fully analysis and understand the situation is plainly a demostration of the lack of maturity and professionalism. In short, hasty generalisations are simply just stupid. Opinions need hard facts to be substantiated and thus, basing our conclusions on a several sources that are in total agreement with each other would lead the question of "is there another side of the story?" People have to realise that gossip is not reliable. Any sensible person will realise that there is no such thing as a total agreement in matters of the heart. So I beseech you, if you wish to judge, take the effort to know. There are other views to the whole situation. Quit leaving in your turtle shell and find out what's the whole situation like before passing judgement. Anyway, bear in mind, Measure For Measure, judge and be judged yourself. Are you perfect?
Anyway, today has not really been an enjoyable day for me. Started off with cell - I swear I was dozing off through out the course of the meeting. Went back to study for two hours after that - I really need to brush up on my GP. I really lack general knowledge - I think I'm stupid but I shaln't dwell on it. Let's see how I can work my way out of it.
Went to visit Godma after that. She looks much better now. Thank God. Went to Giant to shop after that. Spent quite a bit of food but what the heck.. I was moody so I guess a little retail therapy should be fine. Mmmmx... drove off for dinner after that and eh, met with a little car accident. Taxi rammed into my dad's car. Bumper dropped and car suspension cracked. Ah well.. I think I injured my neck - kinda hurts now but well, should be fine la. Taxi driver was lucky la - daddy was pretty nice to him - since he knew how hard being a taxi driver was. Yea. We'll try not to make him pay so much. And try not to charge him cause that would mean he'll lose quite a lot of previleges as a taxi driver. Daddy concluded that Silver Cab's tyres are lousy cause the driver did attempt to brake but the taxi skidded to yea lo, knocked my car. Taxis do have very strong body armor though - he's car wasnt a bit dented while ours? Oh well...
Tomorrow getting back some results for prelims. I don't feel confident at all. Haix. I think I'm gonna be sad again. Grrrx.. I'm gonna work myself out of these slumpy depressing zones of mine. I will and I must.
Mmmx. I wanna sleep le. Tired. Stupid day. Haix.
I miss you!
Monday, September 18, 2006
Yea. People are entitled to their comments - it's Singapore we live in anyway - freedom of speech. No problems with that.
I have my fair share of comments too but well, some are best left unsaid. 18 years and you've seen the most absurd of relationships but not experienced most of them. Yea. 18 mere years and we're still unsure and immature. Childish.
Our school days pass but as a figment of imagination. Friendships forged and torn apart? Yea... been through that. You see things and gain insights. They're amusing at times. Student and technician for example, engulfed in their "own little world of man" if I may quote Shakespeare. But we'll not go there.
I've made my fair share of right and wrong decesions but who is anyone to pass judgement? I know my faults and I'd admit to them. It's a real pity that people are unable to "condemn the fault but not the actor of it." Now, that's a depiction of shallowness. But well, we're all 17 or 18 years of age - inexperienced and longing to stick our heads in everything. What can I say? This is life.
Indeed, we pity and we sympathise with some. I do my fair share of that too. Yet, why the need for open expression of these feelings? It's personal isn't it. And more often than not, we're only offered a single (myopic) view of things. I guess pity is just a sign of weakness. What is there to pity in life? Live by regrets? Nah. Things happen and they happen. Sometimes, even the individuals don't realise the rationale, let alone onlookers. Holmes theory that we should not theorize before gathering substantial facts is relavent here. A failure to do so just depicts oneself as a fool him or herself. Measure for Measure eh? Ye who judged will cast judgement upon himself. And man ain't perfect. So yea... we never understand anything so why be such a shrewed judge of others and pity?
Hmmm... Life goes on. Emotional scars will stay but let's try to be mature about it. We'll die one day anyway so why make life such a miserable thing by drowning ourselves in pity? Yes, we'll be affected by those around but that attempt to fully understand is always lacking. For all you know, knowledge may bring light to self?
Make the best of what we have. Treasure and love.
The above is not an attempt to complicate things instead, it is to line them all out in the simple way it's supposed to be. Move on.
The stage is set and the curtains are up - let's play this play to the end. Actors and co-actors make mistakes I do admit but still, the show must go on.
Are you perfect? If not, who are you to bring judgement upon your fellow actors. We know our flaws - we're not stupid - but the accentuation of these characteristics only evoke more inclination to falter. Stage fright overdose deconstructs.
And if that's what we're trying to do, won't we be dragging ourselves down too? This life is one big act. What comes around goes around - theory of the wheel of fortune. I'm well aware myself and yes, I'd take what comes.
We live to die and die to live - why complicate it so much with all the pitying? I'm sorry but it's just this way.
Mankind has to move on.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Ok! Literature Paper 3 was a total disaster. In short, I was driven to do the damn bloody hard essay questions. Hahax. I know I'm quite screwed. Oh wellx. Hopefully Shakespeare and George Eliot will be nice to me. Detective Fiction better spare me too. Can't afford to screw up anymore.
Anyway, tomorrow's Mathematics! Wee! Somehow, I'm confident for this paper. Hope I won't let myself down. It's time to show the Mathematics Department that we Arts Students mean business! Grrrx... I'm aimming for a C... hopefully can scrape a B. I'll dream about the A. Hahax. Not yet la... Hmmmx... Well, I'll just do my best and see what I'll get. Hehex. =)
Oh. People around me are starting to fall sick. Gives me the creeps. I hope I don't break down until I finish my papers. Hahax. Poor Jiexin's sick le. *pat pat* Must take care k? Hahax. And Sabrina too! So sad. Take care ok people? =)
Yupx! That's about it. Time for bed and then, Mathematics 9233 Paper 1 here I come!
Bon Fide!
