Friday, September 01, 2006
The hedonist nature of man will one day, be our undoing. We make impulsive decesions based on the senseless desire for immediate gratification in our actions. Meaningless? Few do consider the long term implications for our actions. Newton's Third Law holds in all aspects of life - with every action, there is an equal an opposite reaction. What the law doesn't state however, is when this reaction will occur. The foolish man thus, blinds himself to the future and indulges in the fancies of this fading world. We harm the environment, deplete our own food sources, genetically modify food items without fully comprehending the long term impact that it may have on the population and even create techonology that may wipe out the whole of mankind! Keynesian logic ain't it? Why bother about the long term since we'll all be dead? We should just indulge in what satisfies our current need and wants. Over fishing is a small issue indeed! Asians comsume fishes at twice the rate that they can replenish themselves but what the heck?! Screw the future generation right? We'll just eat into the future generations' life right? Who cares about them? That's mankind for you - base and utterly stupid. Why are we such imbeciles!?
I am no exception. I made my fair share of stupid decesions, not thinking of the negative repercussions that will follow. Now, I find myself trapped within the haunting memories of the past. What hope is there to correct the past? Memories are like ghosts. They're unseen units of floating spirits that occasionally, as if they've nothing better to do, pop into your life to disrupt it. They're scary and irritating because you can't just get rid of them like that. They not only haunt you but also deconstruct the meaning of life into one of nothingness and regret. Being caught in this convoluted web of mystery and history, it seems that everything goes agianst you. These figments of imagination come to bug you when you least expect it - when your guard is down. I wish to let go of Memory but it sticks. I wish to get on with life - I've grown up - no more myopic view of life but really, Memory stays to remind me of my past self. The old has gone and the new has come? True statement but why can't I bring myself to embrace it? The future ahead is one that is bright and cheerful so why am I allowing all these negative elements disrupt it?
Screw the idea of being hedonistic. Actions have consequences. I've learnt my lesson! I just need time now to remove all the scars that have resulted from the past. I'll move on. It's a matter of time. Time? Ha! That's something I guess I don't have much of. I'm dumb la ok? Made so many stupid choices last time and now live to regret it. And now that I've like so much in life that I don't ever wanna lose, these thoughts come back and remind me that retribution might occur. Fear! It sucks!
Wheel of fortune. It turns. What goes around comes around.
Why can't bygones be bygones? Can it all fade?
Well, I know it'll fade.
I remember. I think. I feel.
But I shall learn to accept and reconstruct what it really means to be man - THINK!
Carpe Diem is stupid logic. Immediate gratification is meaningless. They are all short term and base.
I am now embarking on a path that I wish to take for life. No more short term and myopic aims. It's all for the long term now. 50 years down the road, I may be dead. It's time for me to think about what I want in the long run. Well, I know what I want in fact. So, let me work to it now. I'm a thinking person - I know, I see. I want what's best for me.
No more disappointments. I won't walk through the thunderstorms alone. I'll learn to catch each raindrop in these little hands of mine and treasure them. At each clap of lightning, when the world lights up again, I'll see that what I'm doing is what I want in the long term. I'll see the path and take it. It's a long path and I will keep my eyes on the end and not the possible short cuts that are often misleading. I won't do this alone. I can't do this alone. Memories will fade as the thunder overwhelms the voices from beyond. It'll fade.
I am yours to keep.
